The Art of Letting Go

I have been struck by this inevitable truth..
you or your love ones would have to leave
leaving to fulfill a divine purpose
to be with the creator, to be with Him.

This until now lingers in my mind.
Questions that are left unanswered
because I could not comprehend the divine answer
with this physical mind which is not mine.

A friend has the same dilemma.
She has been witnessing her dad's woes
to see your love one bearing the unbearable
is the hardest thing to do
how could she manage to see
those things that in my life don't want to see.

"this too shall pass" is a passe'
this line may be true
but in the process of passing
lies the difficulties to-
-think of letting go the person you love
-do the right thing.

I, being weak in the aspect of death
could not imagine of this happening.
Until now I am not prepared
what shall I do when this happens?
This is one of the questions that keeps on lingering
in my physical mind.

Saying letting go is easy but putting it into action is an intricate
battle between your heart and brain.

Mga Kalandiaan ni Zippo nitong mga nagdaan n Buwan

Naku ang tagal na rin noong last time na nag-post ako ng poem dito sa blog ko. Hindi ko alam kung anung dahilan. Tinatamad siguro o kaya naman e dahil walang magagandang pangyayari sa aking buhay. O kaya naman eh walang pangit na pangyayare sa aking buhay.

Nabisita ko na lang ang blog na ito noong hingin ng ka-trabaho ko ang blog ko. Kasi meron daw siyang babasahin doon na na-post before at noon ko lang nalaman na matagal na rin pala ang nakalipas na buwan.

Simula sa kalagitnaan ng September hanggang ngayon November 18, 2010 ay wala akong nasulat na poem. How boring my life is! So nagmuni-muni ako kung anung mga happenings ang naganap sa malanding buhay ko..

Hirap pa din ako sa pag-aadjust sa bago kong apartment. Ayos dito, ayos doon. Walis dito walis doon. Ay nakakapagod! Hindi pa rin kumpleto ang mga gamit. Wala pa rin akong refrigirator at washing machine. Sa akin ang mga ito ang una sa listahan. Mahirap magkusot ng damit at pantalon. Sobrang sakit sa likod. Tapos idagdag mo ang katotohanan na antok na antok ka na dahil ang work schedule ay laging panggabi. Callboy kasi ako(call center worker). So habang nagkukusot ay hindi ko maiwasan na antukin. Mahirap uminom ng hindi malamig na tubig. Kahit mineral water yan ay hindi ko pa rin gusto ang lasa ng tubig kapag hindi malamig. Kaya yun, tambak ang bote ng mineral water doon sa likod ng apartment ko. Sana makita na ni mamang magbobote yun. Kanya na lang lahat yun!

Noong October naman e nagbirthday ako. Yis, ang bakla ay nagbi-birthday din naman. Nadagdagan na naman ng isang taon ang buhay ko. Dito ko na realize na ang dami ko na palang blessings na natanggap sa Kanya. Health, yun current work ko ngayon, kaligtasan ng family ko laban sa masasamang loob at karamdaman. Mga bagong kaibigan. Mga materyal na bagay na nabili ko. Ang dami dami nila. Kaya sobrang grateful and thankful kay Lord sa lahat lahat. Ngayon buwan din ako nakabili ng sofa and apat na chairs. Nabili ko sila lahat sa Japan Surplus. Maganda yun sofa e kaya nangati naman ako at umiral ang pagiging impulsive buyer ko. Ewan ko ba, pag meron akong gustong bagay e kelangan mbili ko na agad. Super comfy ng sofa at super big nya. Konting linis lng ang ginawa ko kasi super maganda at wala pa talgang mark na ito ay ngamit ng todo todo maliban sa ink mark na nandun. Kahit papaano ay meron na akong gamit na naipundar-second hand lng. Bakit, wala akong pakialam! ahahahaha.

Well, ang buwan na inaabangan ng lahat ay dumating din-si November. Bkit kamo? E kasi dito kami maglilimas nang limpak limpak na salapi. Bwahahahaha. Sa buwang ito ibinibigay ang aming 13th month pay ksabay ng Nov. 15 payroll. Sa totoo lang, ang APC na ang pinakagalanteng kumpnya na-pagwork-an ko. In house call center kami kaya okay n okay ang sweldo ang benefits. Walang say ang mga BPO sa Makati at Alabang. Hahahahaha. Nakabili ako ng electric stove and rice cooker. So ngayon win n win ang bakla sa pagluluto sa bagong apartment. Masarap kaya ang lutong bahay. Well hindi ko alam kung msarap ang luto ko, pero need ko kainin yun kasi ako ang nagluto. bwahahahaha. Ang gulo noh?

Sa darating ng buwan-December ay meron na naman kaming inaasahan ng SL/VL conversion. Atik na naman ito. Ilang lalake na naman ang makikinabang sa akin. bwahahahaha. Sana sa pasko or before dumating ang pasko eh meron na talaga akong someone. Someone who does not want my body(ewww! meron?).Someone who does not want my money(wala naman). Who would love me just as I am. No requirements imposed. No pretentions. Just pure love..love..love.

Hay naku aiku, sobrang malandi lng talga ang life ko. Uy for the record ngayon lng ako nag-sulat sa ganitong paraan ah. Ilan brain cells ang namaga at nag rapture sa pag-iisip ko ng mga salitang ilalapat dito sa story na ito. Ilang rolyo ng tissue ang naubos ko sa kapupunas ng dugo sa ilong, tenga ko ah.

O cya, sana maging habit ko na talga ang magsulat dito s blog ko. Yun parang daily journal ba ang kalalabasan(ay parang bastos pag ako ang nagsbi ng word na lalabasan) hahahahaha.

Adios!

I HAVE MISSED ALOT

These past days I had been reading blogs
they are really funny and at the same time sensually stimulating.
Their stories are admirable
Something I am envied of.

I read Tristan Tales' blog
Whoah! His stories are amazing.
While reading I could not help
I was aroused of every words he used
I wish I was like him too...
free, careless and unafraid to do things he likes.
Then something in me said.."Have you done that?
I don't think so.
You have always been wishing but
but you never had the courage to do it."

I learned something from Tristan's blog
and I am hoping that someday, I will be able to do things my way,
I will be able to have someone near me.

Then another blog had inspired me to write this poem
Nimmy: Baklang Cockroach....the title itself had gotten my interest
His blog I could say is a little discreet.
it is full of feel good stories
stories of his life.

Same thing, I envied him.
Here I am again wishing...
when will I have the one.
I have been looking but I got tired maybe

Who would love someone who has been afraid to show what he feels?

At my age now, I would say I HAVE MISSED ALOT!

UNSEEN OBVIOUS

I have been hearing bad things about you
I cared less because I thought they were just gossips
intended to hurt you and bring you down.

Rumors had spread out, been the topic anywhere.
I could not help it but noticed
almost everybody has been talking about it.

Still I cared less!
I would rather not know.
After all, who's who in the story
did not catch my interest.

Then one unexpected moment in our lives
You and I stumbled somewhere
right there and then I came to realize
all that had been thrown to you maybe true.

These speculations of mine became stronger
when you called my attention..talked about it
you were worried that people may start to talk about it.
You were worried that your reputation may be at stake again
You even said that people want to see you make mistakes
You even said that you will be at the spotlight again.

What the heck! I thought.
Why are you asking me to shut up?
Excuse me! I am not that type who makes gossips.
How dare you to think that I might tell
I don't do nonsense things like that you are thinking.

If you don't want to be on the spotlight,
STOP what you are doing. RIGHT NOW!!!
If you had not done it in the first place,
this nightmare of yours would be far from happening.
You could have covered the holes,
still smoke will find a way to get out
unless the fire is put off.

If what they are saying isn't true, then worry not!

People are not stupid not to know the unseen obvious!

BEHIND SHADOWS

How would you feel if you are the second best?
Next to the number one, next to the “big thing”, second option in case.
You don’t matter if the "best" is around
No matter how you excel, you’re always bound.

What would you feel if you are the second option?
Behind the “one” who always has the notion
Being perfect in what he does, no mistakes allowed
Imperfections should not be divulged to the crowd.

I would want to be the “next best thing”
But I prefer to be the one behind the “best” but stings.
Being unseen has given me the advantage
Of not being the one who is always tied in bondage.

Second option would have an instant shield
From blames and criticism that would yield
The “one” would have to face them all
When everything seems to stumble and fall.

Verses of my Memoirs

A white figure walked in
she was wearing white dress with white veil.
She nodded when she saw us
assurance that there was nothing to be afraid of.

At first, she smiled and then looked at us one at a time.
we were all afraid because we did not know what might happen.
She handed us the papers
and then she said “ You may now start taking the test”.

While answering, thoughts run through my mind..
what if I fail, what if I pass….
failing means that I would not be able to go to high school,
passing means that I would be far from my family..
These thoughts were lingering..
I did not notice…time was over
she asked us to pass the papers.

A white figure entered the room..
she never had the chance to loose that calming smile.
She opened the envelop
and read the names of those who made it.
Jonald R. Lubao(Did I hear her correctly?)
I was not wrong..I passed the test.

Two weeks after, I came back.
My parents were with me to bid goodbye
I could see that they were sad..
could not let go, feeling bad..
but they had to…I had to.

Weeks passed...I made new friends.
We were all under the guidance of St. Charles
all of them were nice and big bro was nice too
Sister Cecilia was strict-looking but if you get to know her more..
she was kind and giving. She was our sister, our mother.
But one day she had to say goodbye
because she needed to go to Mexico
for she had a new endeavor….
she was chosen to mother our brothers and sisters in Mexico
for Fr. Al had built a new home there.

On my second year..we had to move home.
We transferred to a bigger place in Silang Cavite
the new place was fantastic.
Pineapples everywhere, ripe mango fruits falling from the tree.
We planted corn, beans etc
And during harvest time, the feeling was ecstatic.

Third year passed and then finally I’ve reached the end of my stay.
I graduated on January, 1994.
I was excited but a little bit sad because that meant
that I would be going out from the fence of my comfort zone.
Afraid of things that lie ahead of me,
I still did not want to leave my mother’s lap.
She protected me from particles that may harm me.
She nourished us with love and care.
She was like the mother hen who kept us under her wings
when she sees a hawk is around.

As I stepped out of the big railed gate
I promised that one day I will come back.
Not sure when and how but I knew
That one day, I will see her again.

Sixteen years had passed, never heard of anything from my mother
I became busy with the outside world
until one day, I bumped into someone at the mall.
He was so certain…he knew me!
I faced the guy with blank expression. I was retrieving every single bit of information
That would tell me that I knew this man.
He uttered his name and there it was-flashbacks poured over me.

Oh my! He was one of my brothers.
My heart was filled with happiness.
He did not have haste, we talked about everything.
Until he said that our mother was calling all his sons and daughters
for her special day.

Here I am excited to go back to the womb my mother had carried me.
I could not wait to meet my loving family
I could not wait to tell my story
I could not wait..
At last I will be home again.


JONALD R. LUBAO
ST. CHARLES
5th BATCH-1994
"Verse of Memoirs" is my memory of my high school life.

A DOT AND A BLANK PAPER

We are born with the gift of sight
Beauty of a flower brings you delight
Seeing things that are around you
Defining and identifying different hues.

Eyes help you see…
Help you decide…
Assist you to choose…
See a person’s aura..
Help you judge people...a human being.

Don’t allow yourself to have your eyes fooled
Your eyes may equivocate and leave discerning mark
Leaving discriminating dot to where it may nail
It is not always what you see is what you get
Look to the other side to see what lies within.

Some of us tend to see the dot
The dot in the middle of wide white blank
A single dot stains the whole
Put the whole piece in the hole

That is what most of us
We based on just what we see
We criticize first
Based on what eyes could see.



“Do not judge, or you too will be judge.
For in the same way you judge others, you will be judge,
and with the measure you use, it will be measure to you.
Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye
and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?
How can you say to your brother,
‘Let me take the speck out your eye, when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye,
and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye” (Matthew 7:5-7 NIV).